Δευτέρα, 16 Ιανουαρίου 2017

  Initially, something that resembled a snail shell attracted my attention. I felt that a living creature was hidden inside it, a creature I wanted to know. When I touched it, it smashed and a large fragment of it fell in my hands. This fragment I call Uglyland.
  As I was gazing at this fragment, I felt as if I was holding a womb which contained an embryo which consisted of pieces of an unknown past (This Is Past) ready to be born (The Unborn). Out of this womb a green, two-headed creature was born (Twins). It was hideous, immature and funny. One head detested the other and they were in constant conflict. Their thoughts were utterly disorderly, chaotic and instinctive. One head kept battering the other until they both disintegrated into a million, tiny, green pieces which scattered everywhere. I barely managed to collect them all. It was as if I was struggling to collect all the pieces of a blown up broccoli. I felt as if everything was over when I faced this sight. I can hardly describe my feelings (No Words). It was an ugly sight; a dead creature (Twins), in front of a womb (Uglyland) and the mother's body elsewhere, detached and inaccessible. I gathered my strength and when I managed to collect all the embryo fragments (Twins) I placed them on the larger shell fragment out of which they had come (Uglyland). Then I realised that each fragment consisted of a different thought.
  Out of these pieces I constructed a tiny edifice, the same way children build sand castles. Thus, I created a museum of dead thoughts (M.O.T. “Museum of thoughts”). A museum whose sole visitor was me. I wandered in there for a long time trying to understand this siamese creature's thoughts. This creature which had hated itself to such an extent that it was led to its premature death. I struggled to understand the world it had come from. I was lost however, since the museum I had created absorbed my thoughts like a sponge and presented them as the creature's. The rooms in the museum multiplied, as well as the floors and very soon I became one with it and began to lose myself. Then I decided that I had to go out, shut the door behind me and never return (Please close the door behind you).
  As soon as I came out of the maze in which I had been lost, I looked at the sky and was drawn by it, along with some other people like me who had escaped with me from the museum. (Ουράνια σώματα - celestial bodies). I can recall watching all the others flying in the sky with me and not knowing who I was, not knowing how long it was that I had been trapped in this state; if I am in the past or have travelled somewhere in the future. I was simply wondering about all these and feeling empty of answers. The fear of not knowing where I was heading forced me to accept the given situation.
  Then I started to appreciate the beauty of the ugliness in which I was lost. Everything resembled a dance in an ugly musical background with which I identified to such an extent that I actually enjoyed it. I forgot why it had all started; the fact that I desired to discover what that shell that I initially saw was; that being which had been born and had died so soon. I started to enjoy what seemed like a journey towards my own death. I became one with all those unknown celestial bodies. My weakness became strength and I identified with Satan. I suddenly felt brave and my ugliness blossomed like a strange flower. There was no personal story anymore. I was merely a fragment of the past, now united with Uglyland which possessed no beginning or end; invisible and yet visible at the same time, just like music (Ugly Music). I felt stronger and stronger until I heard a baby crying in this world. Then I was frightened. This made me sense the existence of something in Uglyland that threatened my throne. At that time, just like Herod, I ordered all Uglyland creatures to search within me for that baby and bring it to me. It was hidden deep inside my heart and when I faced it I ran far away, feigning for years that it didn't exist (Zoom).
  When this baby grew up it left my heart and hunted after the truth which had taken the form of a white rabbit inside me. It started following the rabbit everywhere trying to catch it and talk to it. It was striving to comprehend me just like I did when I entered the museum of thoughts. (Alice in Uglyland). The fear that Alice would destroy Uglyland killed her. One day when she was very close to catching the rabbit and forcing him to tell the truth, I ordered her arrest and decapitation. After that, all the creatures that lived inside me turned against each other because Uglyland felt empty without Alice's presence. They devoured each other. Uglyland finally collapsed not due to the truth as I feared, but due to lies. This war inside me forced me to feel less than a whole world and more like an empty individual, lost within a fairytale. I felt that the journey was about to end and the train reach its final destination of inconvenient truth (The Outsider).
  Fallen from my throne in Uglyland, among such different people, I had landed in thorns. I felt hatred towards my human nature and the curse of death. At that time I started talking to my mirror a lot and looking at old family photos. Some times the pictures came alive and spoke to me but after a while they became still again and I felt lonely again (Ugly Family). I missed all those creatures that lived inside me and I inside them. I still had that large shell fragment and I needed someone to explore it with. Thus, I and “Κανένας” (Nobody) tried together to discover what that big, magic shell was and lived inside it before it broke. Our disagreements were such that we began hating each other to such an extent that “Κανένας” (Nobody) shattered into a thousand pieces one day (Μισανθρωπία – Misanthropy). So intense was my hatred that it drowned every sane thought and the only thing that came out of my mouth was incomprehensible cries.
  I was then approached by a man, called “Ευαγόρας Κόκκινος”, who had lost his voice and through some written texts was struggling to tell me that his condition somehow concerned me. I identified with his story for some reason. I somehow felt as if I had lost my voice as well in a way and that I was forced to discover new words to express my feelings (Γλωσσολαλιά - Glossolalia).
  After all these years, I had discovered my self and my voice just for a moment. I recalled my fears, my past and saw the naked truth (Αγαπημένε Χάροντα – Beloved Death) and then plunged into the sea of illusions. The reality around me had altered and had to be redefined. None of the existing laws applied anymore (0+0=8). Therefore, out of my own new principles and in a novel language, I thought that I could decipher the secret of the shell. (1+1+1+1+0=TIP). I described the world I saw in such a way that people around me could not even see it. I floated among them, invisible, like a ghost (Nyuidj).
  Lost in my own lies once more, I started rummaging through my past. I held it in my hands like Theseus's ball of thread in order to find the way out of the labyrinth I had created.It was there that I would meet the white rabbit who would whisper the truth to me and would destroy everything once more, bringing me back to point zero. (Follow the rabbit).
  Thus, after a long time I arrived at a crossroads (Y) after wondering like a dead body tied on a horse (Dead Rider). There, at the crossroads an old man was waiting for me. He untied me and got me off the horse. He explained that I had take a momentous decision. I would have to decide whether I would follow the easy or the arduous path. The easy path of inactivity lead to disaster whereas the difficult one to virtue. When I announced to him that I would choose the difficult path he disappeared. Then I heard a snake-like voice and I realized that I had already taken my first step in the path (AAZZAAZZAAA). Then I met a few more people following the same path. The group-pack was called AAZZAAZZORG. They showed me a way to record the snake-like voice which was talking to me (Magicum Alphabetum) as I was walking along the path and a way to confront the enemies I would meet (PERSONAE NON GRATAE). My first enemy was Incompositus and 10 more sprang out of his chaos. My purpose was to eliminate them one by one. With the death of each enemy I climbed one step on the ladder which led to the precious stone (VISITA INTERIORA TERRAE RECTIFICANDO INVENIES OCCULTUM LAPIDEM) that would aid me in transforming darkness to light. The power that forced me to confront those enemies (Θεόκλητος Όφις) was stronger than my fears. Thus, those 11 steps (Per aspera ad astra) transformed the “Personae non gratae - Morituri” into 11 allies (Illuminati). They assisted me in decoding the messages of the snake-like voice and illuminated my way in the path so that I would know what to avoid or not. Every step led me to the crossroads. Every step was a choice.
  However, with the aid of the 11 allies' advice I now selected the right path and was rewarded with one page from the sacred books every time (De Occulta Philosophia). In this way, I collected inside me all the elements (AAAAAAA) that I needed in order to build a temple where the “Reformer” would reside. All the elements that were not required in this process were left out of the temple in order to serve as guards who would prevent the uninitiated from entering.

Σάββατο, 23 Νοεμβρίου 2013